Jay Leno tells of buying a half gallon of milk at a grocery store. When he got to the checkout stand, he said, “good morning,” to the cashier. She didn’t look up. He asked, “How’s your day going?” Still no response. He gave her two dollars for the milk and the change came rolling out of the coin dispenser. He scooped up the change and said, “Have a good day.” Still nothing. At this point, he’d had enough. “Aren’t you even going to say, Thank you,” he snapped. Finally, the cashier looked up. “It’s on the bottom of the receipt,” she said.
This story always gets a good laugh, because we’ve all been there. But here’s the thing; Jay’s been telling that story since the 1980s. I have had the privilege of getting to know a lot of good decisions makers. Hopefully, you have too. One of the things that has made a lasting impression on me is how unfailingly appreciative these people are. They’ve recognized that if they say thank you, it is generally reciprocated. This plants the seeds for other opportunities.
I say “thanks” for even the smallest gestures. If nothing else, it generally brings a smile to the other person’s face. In some cases, I get a “You’re welcome” in return. Once in a while someone will say, “I really appreciate that. No one seems to say “thank you” anymore.”
I learned a long time ago that if you are appreciative, the other person is more likely to share that feeling of goodwill. I’ve been upgraded on airline flights any number of times, for instance, because I was one of the few passengers treating the gate agent with warmth. That has always bedeviled me. Why would you be gruff to the person who controls your seat assignment and level of service? Yet so many people do.
We are increasingly living in a less-than-civil world. But that doesn’t mean we have to respond in kind. The best decision-makers know this and use it to leverage their relationships and influence. Besides, it just feels good and is what a civil society requires.