I know, I know. The title of this video sounds like complete hyperbole. But it’s not. I’ve been observing managers for more than 30 years now and one of the things that sets the best apart from the rest is their focus on listening. But here’s the crucial thing – listening improves retention. And when people don’t leave, the organization saves thousands of dollars in turnover costs. It’s that simple.
So, what are the two keys to listening like you mean it? Eye contact and silence. Let me explain. How many times in the past week have you had a conversation where the other person was not looking at you and you were not looking at them? It might have been online because everyone stares at the screen rather than at the camera. It might be because one of you was ghosting. But even in person you might be staring at the phone in your hand rather than the eyes in front of you.
Our world has become so transactionally oriented, eye contact is becoming a lost art. This is especially true among the digital natives who have grown up with a screen in their hand. Many are just not well practiced in the art of eye contact. But here’s the thing. Eye contact is the magic connection that lets the other person know you really care. In this uber-distracting world, it’s hard to stay focused on any one task or conversation for more than a few seconds.
But the most effective managers I’ve observed make a habit of doing just that. Think about the best leaders you know. If you consider the way they communicate, you’ll notice that their eye contact sets them apart. Yes, it takes self-discipline, but eye contact is magic.
Then there’s silence. We all want to jump into a conversation when we think we can add something. Unfortunately, that shuts down what the other person is saying. If you’re the boss, this can result in the other person giving up and letting you dominate the conversation. If this happens enough, the other person concludes that what they have to say doesn’t really count and they will give up trying to contribute.
Early on in my career, I had a supervisor named Don. Don always took time to be attentive when I approached him. His patience and silence would allow me to finish my thought. Then he would think for a second or two before responding. It wasn’t that he was slow. He just wanted to process. This also slowed the conversation to a more deliberate pace where we could make the best decision. Don has been my model of a good listener for years. Once again, though, it takes work to master this routine.
Silence can be uncomfortable. I will point that out in seminars I conduct. Then I will just get quiet and see what happens. It doesn’t generally take more than 10 seconds for someone in the group to say something. Most of us just can’t resist. Truth is most people have a real need to be listened to these days. Whether it’s a personal issue or question about a task or maybe just a story they want to relate, taking time to listen and show appreciation for what a person has to say helps to build the relationship and trust. Lack of trust it is what can drive people away and make them think about looking for another opportunity.
Too many of us feel like cogs in the machine these days. When we find a place where people really care, we’re more likely to stay, even if we might find a better opportunity or better compensation someplace else. Research has proven this. If you make good eye contact and use silence to build trust, bravo! This simple strategy will help you retain the people around you. As a result, the firm will save thousands of dollars in turnover costs.