I’m Bob Wendover and I love to help people. How about you? I find what goes around comes around. When I have helped others, many times those people have returned the favor at a later time. A couple of times someone has said “You’re such a hero for helping me!” While that felt good, it wasn’t why I pitched in.
But sometimes, my willingness to pitch in has ended up overwhelming me. How about you? Most times, we say “sure” impulsively when someone asks for help without considering the bigger picture. How much do we have on our plate? What kind of deadlines do we have? Do we ask a few questions before committing? About ten years ago a colleague asked me over coffee if I might be willing to serve as treasurer for a small association, we both belonged to. Without thinking, I said “I suppose.” Imagine my surprise when it was announced at the next meeting that I was the new treasurer. Huh? That incident taught me a valuable lesson. While I accepted the position, I was quick to put some strict parameters around the time I would spend on it.
We can also get roped in by the panicked colleague who desperately needs help. On occasion, the person in trouble has really been blindsided by something outside of their control. But too many times, the panicked colleague simply failed to plan ahead or procrastinated. While I feel for them, I usually turn down their request for help because I don’t want to overwhelm myself. Even if I could probably squeeze it in to my week, I’d sacrifice my balance.
Does that sound harsh or unkind? Perhaps to some. But those who avoid burnout choose to think before saying “Yes” impulsively to requests for help.
So, how do they navigate these situations diplomatically? They begin by asking what’s involved? You might say, “Tell me more. How much time will you need? Or “When does it have to be done?” In truth, just asking those types of questions may have the person saying, “Never mind.”
If you’ve decided what they are asking is not a good match, you might say, “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m not the best person for this job.” Or “At this point, I can’t take on anything else. I trust that you understand.” It’s important that you end with, “I trust that you understand,” because it places the asker in the situation of letting you off the hook because they should have empathy that you’re busy as well. Or you might refer the person to someone else who could do a better job or might have the time. I’d be careful about turfing like this just to get out of the commitment, however. That tactic is sure to come back and bite you.
There is nothing wrong with coming to someone’s aid. Just make sure you know what you’re committing to before doing so. This is just one more in-the-moment way to recapture time and energy. For more, check out our new online, self-paced course Beating Burnout. Click on the link in this post to find out more. https://commonsenseenterprises.mykajabi.com/beating-burnout