A number of years ago, I found myself having to fire someone. While this is never pleasant, it is a sometimes necessary part of running a business. Lynn had not been performing well for some time and may have known this was coming. Yet when I pulled her into my office, the tears welled up and she pleaded for another chance.
Truth is, I was not prepared for this emotion and had no response for the arguments she made to be kept on. So I relented. That turned out to be a mistake. Two months later, I found myself firing her a second time, after spending how much more time and treasure? This time I was wiser. When the tears and pleading appeared, I told her professionally but firmly that the time had come for her to depart.
This is not the only type of conflict we have to deal with in the workplace. There are lots of others — dealing with an unhappy customer, confronting a non-performing vendor, working through a disagreement in strategy, correcting employee behavior. All of these situations involve discomfort. Why? Because each involves uncertainty. You can’t be sure exactly what’s going to happen or how the other person might react. They might simply go along. They might agree with you. They might blow up on you and anything in between. There’s no real way to know until you are in the moment.
So, how can you best anticipate these challenges? One essential element is rehearsal. When uncertainty is in the air, being well prepared in advance will enable you to successfully navigate the unexpected. If you have thought through what could happen and rehearsed your responses, then what you want to say or do, will be what you say or do. Have you ever planned to say one thing and have something completely different come out of your mouth? Rehearsal reduces the risk of this happening.
Here is a simple, four step process for managing these challenges. Step number one, consider their possible objections or concerns. What might their desired outcome be? How might it differ from yours? Where might there be a compromise, if appropriate?
Step two, develop responses to these objections and concerns. The other party may not be happy or satisfied with these responses, but at least they will know clearly where you stand. If you wish, you may want to prepare a compromise or two so the situation can be ameliorated in a positive way. Just be careful not to offer those with you initial approach. They may be already be accepting of what you say.
Step three, rehearse your responses out loud a couple of times so that you have them in your head. As I said, no matter what we think we’re going to say, what we actually say is something considerably different an awful lot of the time. Rehearsal reduces the chances of this happening and will reinforce your confidence in uncomfortable situations.
Step four, rehearse with someone else as a role play. This is an important step, especially in higher stakes situations. You might do this with a trusted colleague, a friend or even significant other. Encourage them to get into the role. They may voice an objection or concern you had not thought of.
Those who make the best decisions are always well-prepared which, in turn, reduces stress. This is just one more way they are able to deal with disruptive situations that might have an emotional element to them.