Are you comfortable with being uncomfortable? I know, kind of a strange question, isn’t it?
Maybe you’re worried about having a difficult conversation with someone. Or perhaps, the boss has assigned a project and you have no idea how to begin. Or maybe you’re about to make a big purchase and know that your friends are all watching to see what you do.
You’re uncertain of the outcome in each of these cases. How will the other person respond when you approach them? Where on earth do you start with something you’ve never done before? What if you make a mistake with the purchase and everyone laughs?
You feel the pressure. People are watching. Your intuition is telling you to make a certain choice. But maybe your emotions are saying, “Don’t screw up! Remember that time you blew it? This could be a real disaster!”
We all face these kinds of situations. But why do you experience these emotions? Blame it on your brain. The brain’s first job is to keep you safe. Anytime it detects danger, ambiguity or uncertainty, it automatically responds by doing two things. First, it releases the stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline, into your nervous system. This gets your attention and makes you feel nervous and apprehensive.
Second, it brings to your attention all the negative things that could happen, based on your past experiences, observations and imagination. That’s why any time you’re dealing with the unknown, you naturally think about what could go wrong, not what could go right.
But have you ever noticed that the best decision-makers always seem calm, even when those around them get rattled dealing with the same kinds of dilemmas? There’s a reason for this. They have learned how to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations.
The key? They have learned to reframe them using a three-step process. They begin by acknowledging that there will be some discomfort when dealing with an unknown outcome. If they have to initiate a difficult conversation, they accept that they will experience some emotional discomfort because their brain is trying to keep them safe. Even in a situation where you can ultimately determine the outcome, you’re still going to feel it. Think about a parent who needs to correct a child’s behavior, or a manager who needs to correct the way an employee is working. We still feel a twinge of discomfort, maybe more, before we start.
But if you accept that this discomfort will occur, you’ll be better able to compartmentalize it.
Even when confronted by an unexpected crisis, the best decision makers have conditioned themselves to acknowledge that there will be some discomfort involved. Then they center themselves by taking a breath and stepping back for a few seconds before responding. This reduces the physical impact of the stress. It also gives them a chance to consider their immediate options.
If they’ve got to have a difficult conversation or make a big decision, they acknowledge the discomfort and reframe it. They might say to themselves, “I’ve made this kind of decision lots of times before. I’m well prepared. I’ll be able to manage whatever happens.”
Second, develop a clear vision of a successful outcome. The best decision-makers ask themselves, “What will a successful outcome look like?” Notice I did not say “perfect.” There’s no such thing as a perfect outcome. Why? Because there are too many variables involved. You don’t know how other people involved might respond. You don’t know if the timing will be right. You don’t know if all the circumstances will come together. There can be lots of unpredictable variables. There’s no way you can control all of them.
Here’s an example – Suppose you decide to purchase a new car. Will the car you want be on the lot? Will the salesperson be easy to work with? Will you be able to agree on the price? Can you get the financing? Can you and your significant other even agree on which model or color?
Rather getting their mind completely set on one outcome, good decision-makers will consider all the elements involved and then come up with a prioritized list of must-haves, good-to-haves, and nice-to-haves. Then they use these parameters to guide their decisions.
In the case of the car purchase, they might ask questions like, “Which is more important, the color or the number of cup-holders. Which is more important, the size of the engine or the navigation system? Which is more important, the interest rate or the number of payments? You get the idea.
While this process requires more effort, the best thinkers are rewarded with consistently better outcomes and peace of mind. By the way, this strategy works for all decisions, not just purchases. You can apply it to everything from choosing careers to hiring people. It’s a great way to remove the discomfort from those decisions.
Third, anticipate possible obstacles and prepare to deal with them. You probably know what it’s like. You get a picture in your head about how the decision will go . . . And then it goes in a different direction. The other person says something different. You’re all set to buy the product and then find out it’s not available. You did all that planning for the party and then find out half the people can’t make it.
Frustrating, isn’t it? Perhaps it’s embarrassing. Maybe even costly. You can feel the emotions welling up. So, how to the best thinkers prevent the unexpected? THEY DON’T! But they do prepare for it. They begin by listing as many of the possible responses, obstacles and objections that might arise when they take action. Then they consider their options for dealing with each of these situations. Finally, they prepare for how to respond to each potential surprise.
Consider a decision you have to make in the coming days or weeks. Grab paper and pen and jot down how many different ways this decision may not go as you expect.
Then consider how you can respond to each obstacle. None of this is not fail-safe, of course. But it’s a heck of a lot better than being caught unprepared.