“Why does this always happen to me?” “This couldn’t happen a worse time!” “I knew this would happen?” Have you ever had one of these thoughts? Yeah, me too. I’m Bob Wendover with the practical side of overcoming overwhelm. Unfortunately, expecting the worst is the way many of us have been trained to think. We might have heard it from parents and other family members. Maybe there are people at work who respond this way whenever the unexpected happens. It’s kind of like the person who looks at life as a glass that’s always half empty. Truth is, this kind of outlook is tough to change, mostly because it has been rehearsed for so long. It becomes an ingrained habit.
But here the thing: Without a change in the way you respond to these unfortunate events, you’re continually adding to your stress, wearing yourself out with worry, and finding yourself on the disappointing end of any challenge. Sorry to be so blunt. But sometimes simply confronting this reality is the best way to take stock and look for alternatives.
I was reminded of this the other morning when my wife discovered that our dog, Sophie, had barfed overnight in the bedroom. There’s nothing like stepping in dog barf in bare feet at six o’clock in the morning. Yuck! Chances are, you’ve been there.
Like most people, my wife, Wendy, can be prone to jumping to the negative thought automatically. But like me, she always tries to stop herself and this time it worked. Instead of grousing, she suddenly broke into song and out of her mouth came something fully formed and downright amusing. She started singing: “Good morning, good morning. I hacked up the whole day’s food. Good morning, good morning to you,” as if Sophie was singing this to her.
We both burst into laughter and our frustration instantly vanished. Now this doesn’t happen all the time, of course. But what this does is demonstrate that we have a bias for the positive rather than the negative.
Controlling our mindset begins with the words we use. Not just the words we say, but the words we think. We all talk to ourselves, don’t we? Those who are able to turn the corner on the negative mindset are conscious of the words they think when they are confronted with something less-than pleasant. I try not to use the word “problem,” for instance. I prefer the word “challenge” instead. Because less-than pleasant incidents or experiences are, in truth, challenges. We have to find a way to manage or overcome them.
I also use the word, “adventure,” especially with the big challenges. A few weeks ago, a very strong gust of wind snapped a huge part of one of our spruce trees off and it ended up blocking the street in front of our house. I remember looking out the front door after it happened and thinking, “Well, this will be an adventure.” And it was, but my natural response helped me gear up for what was needing to be done.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t go through life welcoming every challenge. There are days! But I have found that overall, I have been able to condition my mindset to look at these incidents in perspective and approach them with a more positive expectation that even includes a bit of humor. That enables me to manage the natural feelings of stress can occur when life happens. How about you? What do you do to keep the unexpected in perspective? I’d like to know. Put your ideas in the comments below so we can all help each other. I’m Bob Wendover.