A couple of posts ago, I talked about three of the best decision makers I know, and the attributes that make them so. At the end, I asked, “Who are the best decision makers you would like to know and how can you develop relationships with these people?” And I promised to follow up with the steps I take to establish these relationships. So, here goes.
Know your person. When you encounter someone whose decision making and thinking you admire, do a bit of research. Look them up on Linked In, listen for clues in what they say during meetings and conversations. I have occasionally found myself a bit intimidated by someone’s background. Why would they want to know me? What could I offer in return? But here’s the thing; what I have found is that these individuals are insatiably curious. That’s how they’ve built their networks. As a result, they are generally open to meeting new people and take them at face value, at least at first.
Consider their energy. People tend to be attracted to others who share the same energy. Intense people connect with other intense people. Competitive people connect other competitive people. Cerebral people tend to connect with other cerebral people. You get the idea. This does not mean you need to match the person’s energy. Truth is, you’ll feel kind of inauthentic if you try. For certain opportunities, you may seek to connect with someone of a different energy. That’s fine. But don’t expect it to be a long-lasting relationship. Besides, there are lots of good decision makers with all different kinds of energy, some of which matches yours.
Look for common interests. Listen to what they say. What stories do they tell? What subjects are they bringing up all the time? Several of the best decision makers I know are avid biography readers, for instance. So am I. If I want to engage them in conversation, all I have to ask is, “What biographies have you read lately?” and we’re off to the races. This, in turn, opens the door to conversations about all kinds of other topics.
Ask discreet questions. Don’t become an investigative reporter. Over 30 years, I have “stumped the band,” more than if I ask something like, “So, how do you go about making decisions?” Pretty much everyone has had trouble explaining their specific approach. They do it so fluidly, it doesn’t occur to them to analyze the actual process. Now, there are exceptions to this. When I have watched them make a decision or been involved with it, I’ve asked, “How did you approach that situation?” or something similar. In those cases, they are better able to delineate their reasoning. Then you can look for patterns.
Let it happen. Long-lasting relationships develop organically. If you find yourself connecting with a decision maker you admire, let the conversation go where it goes. Be careful about being too inquisitive. If the person begins to feel like you’re stalking them, they will avoid you and even environments you frequent. If you become a part of their general circle, the relationship will deepen over time. Appreciate the opportunities to interact and observe without expecting too much.
These are the steps I have found most effective. You may have other ideas. When you encounter someone you consider an effective decision maker, consider what they would like to see in a mutually rewarding relationship. I have come in contact with countless people over the years who are solid decision makers within their area of expertise or interest. But I could not see them being a good match for me. So, while it was nice to know them, I didn’t pursue anything other than a causal relationship. The decision makers you want to know are those where you can benefit from each other’s knowledge, insights and energy. Now, who are a couple of people like this within your sphere?