I saw a gentleman wearing a tee-shirt the other day that read, “Concrete Dad – Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set in his ways.” While we may laugh at that kind of sentiment, truth is we all can get stuck in what we believe. Has your perception of something ever gotten so cemented in place that you couldn’t see any other possibilities? I have. Have you ever been so fixed to your beliefs that you damaged or even ruined a relationship? I have. Have you ever made a decision, so confident that you were right, that you were absolutely shocked when you were proven wrong? I have.
We all develop these kinds of biases at times simply because of our perceptions, our experience and the influence of others. But if we are going to thrive as decision makers, we need to remain open to alternative perceptions, solutions and arguments. This is especially true these days because of the polarization that we’re seeing in many parts of society. As a friend put it jokingly, “Today, you either agree with me or you’re wrong.”
But nothing is ever that black and white. Yet this is what we are fed by the media, politicians, and sometimes even family, friends and other influencers. The algorithms present in today’s browsers are programmed to feed us more of what we search for. Watch Fox? You’ll get more Fox. Watch MSNBC? You’ll get more MSNBC. And streaming news is only one example of this kind of subtle manipulation.
I have also become increasingly concerned about what might be called willful ignorance. In other words, “I don’t want to know your side because I’m afraid that when you bring up something I disagree with, I won’t know how to defend myself. As a result, I’ll just disengage.” But in my mind, we all have an obligation to consider the issues that affect us, whether it’s political, business, social or anything else.
I spend a good deal of time reading, watching and listening to points of view that I don’t necessarily agree with philosophically. But I understand that that’s essential to my development, both professionally and personally. I have discussions with those with whom I might disagree. Provided this is done in a respectful way, we both come away having grown from the experience.
Unfortunately, this has become increasingly difficult because we’re all just a little bit paranoid about whether we’re going to meet with some opposing force of someone who just doesn’t like us or doesn’t like what we say. But there’s nothing better than a healthy discussion or even a friendly argument to explore the different angles and elements of an issue.
I sometimes talk to myself as I’m taking a walk or driving. If there is an issue on my mind, I try to explain out loud what I believe and why I believe it. Why? Because that helps me organize my thoughts so that when I am having a discussion with someone, I am more clear-minded.
I also ask about the other person’s life experience. How do they relate to the issue at hand? What impact might it be having on their life or the lives of those around them? Many times ,we make leaps in our assumptions about what other people might believe or not believe or what they agree with or disagree with.
Ask them, “How do you see this issue and then be quiet and listen. That’s an important part of this process. Sometimes we’re too busy talking over each other, trying to get the upper hand. If they begin to “parrot” what they have heard from the media, ask them again, “What do YOU believe?
Finally, take time to reflect after encounters where your mindset has been challenged. I have several close friends that I enjoy immensely, especially when we have good friendly arguments about a particular issue. Whether we agree or disagree is not the point. The opportunity is that it expands each other’s minds.
What can you do to keep an open mindset, especially around opposing beliefs and different points of view and options? It will make you a better decision maker in all aspects of your life.