Do you ever experience fear? I sure do. I’m not talking about the fear of skydiving, falling off a cliff, or totaling your car. I’m talking about the fear of talking to a stranger, initiating a difficult conversation or maybe making a decision where the outcome is not at all certain.
Some people might call this discomfort, uneasiness or apprehension. But whatever you call it, you’re afraid about the outcome. So, why does this happen? Well, there can be variety of factors, but the underlying reason is that your brain is trying to keep you safe. When it senses uncertainty, it interprets this as a threat to your safety. As a result, it releases two stressor hormones, adrenalin and cortisol, along with flooding your mind with thoughts of all the things that could go wrong. All of this, combined, discourages people from acting in reasonable ways. After all, putting off the decision, delaying the conversation or procrastinating about approaching the stranger can make the situation worse or lose the opportunity.
But some people, in any workplace or environment, always seem to act in a timely way, in spite of the apprehension they might have about doing so. As a result, they leverage the opportunity or resolve the issue, and are thought of as the best thinkers or decision makers.
What sets these people apart in times of uncertainty is not that they eliminate their fear. Instead, they have learned how to reframe it. So, how well do you reframe your fear? I know you’ve been there. You know, those situations where things might go wrong. You might say the wrong thing. You might act too hastily. You might make the wrong choice. Again, this is not generally about the crises. It’s the little stuff. What if you wear the wrong outfit to the party? What if you offer a suggestion in a meeting and everyone looks at you like you have two heads?
So how do you go about reframing this fear? The most effective decision makers have learned how to take the fear and compartmentalize it, to put it in a box, to step aside from it and recognize that they need to think logically and rationally as to what the situation really is. Most times, the situation does not live up to the fear that you have.
You might even find a bit of humor in the situation, especially if it’s an unusual or perhaps the other person has done something funny or just plain human.
Over the years, I have had the opportunity to meet with a number of CEOs, billionaires, and other people of considerable influence. Honestly, I found that very intimidating at first. “After all,” I thought, “who am I to meet with people like that.” But here’s what I discovered . . . They’re people! And as the old saying goes, they put on their pants the same way as everyone else. They also make mistakes, worry at times, and fret about some decisions to be made. But . . . they learn to reframe quickly and move ahead.
Here’s what I’ve discovered they do. They remind themselves of the good decisions they’ve made, the skills they’ve mastered or perhaps the people they are connected to who will support them. Thirty years ago, for instance, I had contracted to write an article on career advice for graduating college students. I thought about who might be willing to share some good insights. The billionaire, Ross Perot, case to mind. So, after some consternation, I screwed up my courage and called his office. I told his assistant what I was doing and asked if he had a few minutes to share. She said he was unavailable, but she would leave a message.
Two days later, the phone rang. I picked up the phone and there was Ross Perot asking how he could help. We spoke for about ten minutes and he provided a couple of great insights. But here’s the key. From that time on, whenever I feel a bit intimidated about calling someone of influence, I think back to that phone call. I call it my Ross Perot moment. And that how I reframe those kinds of apprehensions.
What experiences have you had that have gone well, decisions where you knocked it out of the park, that you can use to reframe intimidating or uncertain situations? We all have them. We just have to leverage them.