I have had the long-time privilege of interviewing senior leaders in a wide variety of organizations. One of the things I have always been fascinated with is the way they handle the pressures of their positions. Some, in my observation, seem to sail through the days and weeks with a calmness and clarity that enables them to navigate even the most challenging situations. Others seem to be working too hard just to stay on top of things. Eventually, something goes wrong and they get derailed. Then they spend the next few days, or even a week, catching up.
In preparation for a new effort I am launching, I have been asking the leaders I respect the most if I have been giving the average leader too much credit for knowing what they are doing. Without exception, they have all said “yes.” (Please don’t take umbrage at this if you are a leader. I am just reporting the opinions of others.) But then I have asked these individuals what sets the effective leaders apart from those who seem to struggle and feel overwhelmed. They have shared a number of reasons. But one universal response has been, “They are comfortable saying NO and they do it a lot more often than those who struggle.”
Leaders become leaders in a variety of different ways. Some aspire to be leaders and then discover what it’s like when it all falls to them. Others have the mantle placed on them. This is typical of the millions of family-owned businesses throughout the US. Then there are those who are pretty good managers but end up managing rather than leading, even though they have taken on the role of leader once they’ve been promoted. I’ve even met leaders who ended up with the responsibility because no one else wanted it. A good example of this are those in high-turnover industries who end up being the “last man standing” because they have been there the longest, even if it is six months.
When I have asked the leaders, how the most effective leaders learn to say know no and enforce it, they’ve offered a number of strategies, which I will share in a minute. But the one thing they all mention is that the effective leaders possess the right mindset. In other words, they are comfortable saying “no.” This means giving yourself the permission to inhabit a new belief system. For those who are used to saying “yes” to everything, this can be a real struggle. It might be because they want to please everyone. It might be because someone taught them that saying “no” is rude or inconsiderate. It might be because they say “yes” out of fear that they will appear uncooperative. Whatever the reason, they will struggle to become an effective leader until they master this adjustment.
A simple strategy I have shared with countless leaders is to say “perhaps” rather than reflexively saying “yes” when people ask them about attending a meeting, taking on a task, or getting involved with some other commitment. Saying “perhaps” gives you a moment to pause and ask for clarification about what might be involved. You just have to have the presence of mind to respond that way when approached.
So, what other strategies do these leaders recommend? Here are five.
Consider the value of every meeting before committing to it. It’s natural to want the leader to be in every meeting where decisions are being made. That way, things can be resolved or resources provided immediately. At least that’s the theory. But how many meetings have you been in where the discussion devolves into the nitty-gritty. As a result, you sit there wasting time that could be employed elsewhere. Instead of allowing this to happen, tell the person organizing the meeting to come to you after the meeting with options, recommendations, and requests for authority or resources. You might say something like, “Get on my calendar for 15 minutes” and we can finalize then. (Always put a time frame on meetings. It signals a demand for conciseness. If those working for you can’t figure this out, work with them on this expectation.)
Take time to consider whether you should be making the decision. Seth Godin has said that people don’t make decisions not out of a fear of failure, but out of a fear of blame. Sadly, I think he is spot on. The more decisions you can force down into the organization the more time and energy you will conserve for planning, connecting, visioning, relationship building, or maybe just taking time for yourself to recharge. Unless it is essential that you make the decision, determine where the responsibility for the decision should rest and then delegate. More about that in a second. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “It’s just easier to make the decision.” What you’ll be doing is encouraging people to come to you with every little issue. That’s a recipe for endless distractions, not to mention creating a dependence among those who are supposed to be supporting you.
Delegate everything you can and make it stick. There are four parts to a successful delegation. Provide a clear expectation or outcome. Provide the authority to act. Provide the resources necessary. Assure those being assigned this responsibility that you have their backs if something goes awry. This last part may require some perseverance until they believe it. But once they do, they will develop the confidence to act. If someone comes to you asking you make a decision that has been delegated to them, bounce it back to them. This may take some perseverance as well, but that effort will be well worth it.
Learn how to say “no” diplomatically. “Can you come to our meeting?” “Can I get on your calendar about an issue?” “I need you to make a decision about . . .” Simply saying “no” to these requests can seem abrupt or even rude. Instead, you might say “perhaps” as I mentioned before. Or you might say, “Why do you send me the details in an email and I’ll let you know.” This gives you a chance to drill down a bit on the details and determine whether this warrants your time and attention or someone else’s. There are lots of people who assume that anything requiring a decision should involve you, the leader. That is simply not true. But you will have to show them how to discern the different levels of priority and then enforce this once you do.
Be purposeful in repurposing the time saved by saying “no.” It is not uncommon to get out of one commitment only to have that time immediately consumed by something else. Is it okay to simply block time in your calendar? YES! You don’t have to explain why. You’re their leader. I have saved endless hours and gotten out of endless meetings by simply saying, “I have another commitment.” That commitment could be going for a walk to my favorite ice cream shop. Once again, you’re their leader.
As a leader, what strategies work for you in saying “no?” We’d all like to know. Put them in the comments below and make sure to subscribe to this channel so you’ll be notified when I post more practical ideas just like these. I’m Bob Wendover.