This past week, Michael Lee Murphy purchased a Subaru in “as is” condition from a dealership in Sandy, UT. The salesperson warned him that the car would need some work. Later that morning, however, after learning that the dealership would not accept a return, he drove the car through the dealer’s front door causing more than $10,000 worth of damage. He was charged with criminal mischief and reckless driving. When asked why he did it, he replied, “I know I probably shouldn’t have done it, but I guess I just hit a breaking point.”
Have you been there? Now, you probably haven’t driven a car through a dealership window. But I’m sure you’ve felt like you’ve reached a breaking point more than once. We all have. Of course, many times, the breaking point is triggered by something small, not a poor decision on a large purchase. But it’s these kinds of situations that not only add to our feelings of overwhelm, but consume energy and thinking time we can’t afford to squander.
So how do you recapture this time and energy or, better still, avoid expending it in the first place? Here’s a simple and practical three-step that works every time:
First, take a deep breath. When you’re faced with a situation or decision that sucking you into an emotional spiral, taking a breath reduces the impact of the stressor hormones when you’re dealing with the unexpected. Remember, slow and deep. Doing this also allows you a few seconds to collect your thoughts before acting or maybe saying something you’ll regret.
Second, ask yourself, “What is my true desired outcome?” Now, I get that in the moment you may think that you won’t have the time to answer this question. After all, someone’s probably waiting for an answer or even demanding you respond immediately. But here’s a secret. There is absolutely no reason you need to. Getting sucked into their energy is not a good idea. Want a simple way to avoid this? Simply say, “I’m sorry, I’m going to need a few seconds (or maybe minutes) to think about this.” What’s the other person going to do except say okay?
If you’re feeling stressed about a purchase you made, like Michael Lee Murphy, drive around the block, go for an ice cream, call a friend, take a walk. In other words, think! It is rare that you will ever have to make a decision so pressured that you can’t do so, even if it is life and death.
Third, train yourself to act deliberately. If you watch the best decision makers around you, you’ll notice that they move with deliberation. They refuse to be rushed when it comes to making most any decision. They are not generally concerned with what other people think about how they act. They are focused instead on the best outcome in every situation. Learning to act deliberately will produce better outcomes and more peace of mind.
Now, you might be thinking, “Well, all this is just common sense.” I completely agree. But do you have the presence of mind to execute this three-step process when faced with potential breaking-point situations? It’s been my observation that the best decision makers do. In fact, I’ve learned it from interviewing them.
A side benefit to all this is that I have grown in my confidence in dealing with most any situation because I know that I can rely on this process to help me maintain control of my emotions even in the most stressful situations. You will too.
Once again, take a deep breath, ask, “What’s my desired outcome? and act deliberately. When you’ve trained yourself to approach breaking-point situations this way, you’ll be able overcome your feelings of overwhelm and recapture your focus.