There is an old adage that says, “A watched pot never boils.” Today that insight seems to be ten times as true. With the evolution of society and the introduction of digital technology, we now expect to have anything we want, any time we want it, with the touch of a screen or the click of a mouse. But this is not just about purchases. It includes the search for information and decisions on everything from job applications to approvals for mortgages.
All this this bleeds over into communication. Ever send a text and get frustrated when the other person didn’t respond right away? After all, everyone walks around with their phone in their hand, don’t they? That person should have responded right away simply because you texted them. Of course, they’re thinking the same thing about you.
A college instructor told me that this expectation of instant outcomes has played havoc with submission deadlines. “If the paper is due on Thursday,” she said, “the vast majority of papers will show up at 5 minutes to midnight. Yet I will get emails from students at 8AM the next morning asking why they haven’t received their graded paper back.”
Trouble is that while we have been conditioned to expect instantaneous responses from others, we complain when they expect instant responses from us. All this busyness wears us out, yet when it doesn’t happen, we begin to feel uncomfortable. As a result we are all stressing each other out. If this happens in enough parts of your life, you feel trapped and eventually burned out. Am I describing you, at least a part of the time?
A 2023 study of 28,000 adults and adolescents found that the average participant’s mood got progressively worse with every minute they sat and did nothing. So we end up deal with a two-sided dilemma. On one side we complain about all our busyness and on the other we begin to feel uncomfortable when we’re not busy enough. But do we have to? Here’s a few simple strategies.
Begin by reframing these thoughts. As I mentioned a minute ago, managing impatience is all about mindset. You might be thinking, “I need to make the decision right now or they’ll think I’m not prepared.” or “I sent him a text and hour ago and he hasn’t responded. He must hate me.” or “The item won’t arrive until tomorrow? I need it now!” If you allow yourself to buy into these thoughts, they will haunt your mind and prevent you from concentrating on other more productive tasks.
Laugh in the face of your impatience. What can you do to keep your desire for immediate outcomes in check? I have a cartoon hung in my office of a customer at the watch repair counter. Over the counter is a sign that reads “Repairs while you wait,” and the clerk saying, “It’ll be about six days.” This, and other signs and cartoons remind me to keep things in perspective rather than focusing on what’s unrealistic.
When dealing with others, let the person know that “it’s in process” whatever “it” is. Ever have someone send you an email or text and then follow up, and then follow up again. And then follow up again? Your first thought is probably, “Get off my back!” But rather than getting frustrated, short-circuit their impatience by responding to the first message with something like, “Got your message. I’ll be back to you on this within 24 hours.” This will only take you 30 seconds. If you get a lot of similar requests, create a macro. Then it will take you less than 10 seconds.
I’ll be the first person to admit that all this takes time to evolve. But continued impatience will end burning you out if you allow it. What tactics do you use to manage your impatience? Put them in the comments below. I’d like to know.