We’ve all been in a meeting where the energy shifts when the boss shows up. Perhaps the subject changes suddenly. People get quiet. The person running the meeting begins a new agenda item. If the boss asks, “How’s everybody doing?” everyone says fine. This is not unlike the response parents get when asking a teenager how school was. Even if the boss says, “Oh don’t pay attention to me,” everyone does anyway.
The same thing is true in other settings. When I worked in the restaurant business, we all knew where the owner was at all times. He knew this tracking was going on. So sometimes he’d lie – “I’m going to the Trenton store” when he was really headed to the Langhorne store. Of course, this fostered mistrust and not a little paranoia.
This is also the reason I have sometimes asked an organization’s leader to refrain from attending a session where I am working with the managers. When the leader is in the room, all the energy is directed toward them.
Of course, this is not a healthy way for the organization to function. So, what can you, as a leader, do to mitigate this effect? Here’s what I have observed effective leaders do. See if these match your practices.
The first strategy is to not attend the meeting or gathering. That might seem obvious and also counterproductive. Sometimes, it is important that you be there.
Is there an alternative? Actually, a couple. One leader I’ve observed drills down on his role in the meeting before agreeing to attend. He asks questions like, “Why do I need to be there?” or Why do you specifically need my presence?” Specifically is the key word here. Then he makes a decision based on the response. If the asker responds with a definitive purpose, he is more likely to say yes. He is especially cautious when the person inviting him says something like, “We’d like to hear what you think about the issue.” Too many times, he said, that has just been another of saying, “We want you to tell us what to do.”
An alternative to this is to say, “Shoot me an email with the decision to be made and the context involved. Then let’s plan for me to attend toward the end after you have hashed out the details and can present me with your recommendations. If there is more than one viable option, we can discuss those when I arrive.”
Another leader told me than in addition to being careful about the meetings she attends, she politely refuses to provide input before the others in the room. “If people shy away from offering ideas and opinions,” she said, “I have gone so far as to excuse myself so they can talk candidly. Once they realize that I am truly interested in what they have to say, they open up.”
Of course, a lot of this has to do with the level of trust within the decision culture. When candid input and feedback have been embraced in the past, those in the meeting will be more likely to speak their minds and offer suggestions. Saying things like, “I am really interested in what you think,” is meaningless if that has not been demonstrated in the past. As the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words.
Still a third leader told me he will ask people directly what they think, but only if he is the one running the meeting. “Over time,” he said, “people have come to recognize that if they don’t participate, I will ask them anyway.” Admittedly, this approach can take a certain style of leadership. But that’s a topic for another post.
Bottom line? Be careful not to let yourself be drawn into meetings, conversations and decisions where your very presence might very well skew the outcome. How do you deal with this challenge? Let me know in the comments.