Several years ago, I found myself having to fire someone. While this is never a pleasant task, it is a sometimes necessary part of running a business. Lynn had not been performing well for some time and probably knew this was coming. Yet when I pulled her into my office, the tears welled up and she pleaded for another chance. Truth is, I was not prepared for the emotion and had no response for the arguments she made. So I relented. That turned out to be a mistake. If you have supervised others, chances are you’ve had the same or a similar experience. Sometimes it’s tears. Sometimes it’s anger. But there is almost always emotion attached to these kinds of situations.
Of course, firing someone is not the only type of emotional conflict in the workplace. It might be having to deal with an angry customer, ending a vendor relationship, or confronting someone in another department who is not following through. All of these add stress to these difficult situations. But the hard reality is that most of the time we do not prepare for what could happen.
Have you ever known exactly what you wanted to say and then have something completely different come out of your mouth? Yeah, me too. Perhaps we were distracted by the person’s expression. Maybe they interrupted us to refute what they thought we were going to say. Perhaps they started yelling or refusing to listen. In all these cases, and others, it is easy to get thrown off our focus with an unexpected response.
Then your plan unravels. You get talked out of your intent. You say something you don’t mean. You might even respond with frustration rather than keeping your cool. Once again, anyone who has supervised people has had these experiences. When this happens, by the way, it can be more difficult to confront one of these situations again for fear that you’ll make the same mistakes.
Want to be better prepared? Here’s an easy five-step process for ensuring that emotion does not disrupt these situations whenever they occur.
Step number one, consider the situation and ask yourself, “What exactly is my desired outcome?” In the case of a firing, that’s pretty obvious. But how about correcting behavior or improving performance? If the other person asks, “What exactly would you like me to change or do?” how would you answer? If you don’t know, this is where you need to begin.
Step number two, think through the words you need to use. How will you open the conversation? What points need to be made? How will you explain these points clearly? Consider how direct you need to be. It’s nice to be diplomatic when explaining your concerns. But you also need to be specific. If you think the person may try to dodge responsibility, you’ll have to be crystal clear in with your intent. This is another mistake I’ve made. How about you?
Step number three, rehearse what you plan to say out loud a couple of times so that you have it in your head and know how it sounds. As I said, it’s funny how what we actually say is sometimes considerably different unless we’re well prepared and confident in these uncomfortable situations. This is especially true where you are attempting to get the person to improve performance or correct behavior.
Step number four, anticipate how the other person might react to what you say. Then develop a response for each of those situations. We’d love to think that people are going to respond sensibly. But that’s not always the case, especially if they’re trying to get away with something. Consider what you know about the person and their personality as you prepare for these possible reactions. Then talk these responses through out loud so you’re comfortable in using them.
Step number five, rehearse all this with someone else in a roleplay situation. This might be with a spouse. It might be with a coworker. Ask them to get into the role. Tell them how you think the person might respond and roleplay those situations as well. The more prepared you are, the better you will be able to deal with the real situation.
In truth, these kinds of situations don’t occur all that often. That’s why the stakes appear higher when they do. Solid preparation and rehearsal are essential if you want to achieve the desired outcome. By the way, two months after the first time, I found myself firing Lynn again. This time I was wiser. When the tears began and she started pleading again, I was better prepared. The difference? I had rehearsed what I was going to say and prepared for her possible responses.