I have admired comedian and actor Tim Allen’s work over the years. But it would not have occurred to me to include his name and the word “wisdom” in the same sentence, that is until a few days ago. This past week, Tim was invited to give the commencement address at Hillsdale College. In addition to being both inspirational and filled with practical advice, he said something I found very reaffirming, “If you want to be the smartest person in the room, question the smartest person in the room.”
I have spent the past thirty-plus years interviewing and observing top decision makers in all walks of life, more than 3000 of them. Although I didn’t begin my career planning to do so, I can attribute most of my success to what I have learned from these people.
One of the most important insights I gained early on came not from someone I connected with, but from someone I did not. At a conference in the mid 1980s I attended a session presented by Dr. Charles Garfield, author of the book, Peak Performance. Garfield had been a computer analyst and team leader for the Apollo program which landed the first men on the moon. I found his presentation mesmerizing.
At a reception later in the evening, however, I saw him standing by himself, drink in hand looking very lonely. I was tempted to walk over, introduce myself and engage him in conversation. But I was young and new to my job. Unfortunately, my self-talk took over. Who was I to approach the man who had just presented an amazing keynote? What would I have in common with him? Why would he talk with me? Instead of approaching him, I continued to chat with a couple of friends.
This failure to grasp an opportunity haunted me for a quite while, before I finally had a heart-to-heart talk with myself and decided I would never shy away from strangers like that again. Tim Allen is right. If you want to be the smartest person in the room, get to know the smartest person in the room.
Everyone of the top decision makers I have interviewed has been . . . a person. In other words, they’re just like the rest of us. If I have found some of them intimidating at first, I’ve reminded myself that they all started someplace and made something or did something because of what they learned and how they leveraged it. It’s been my job to ask the questions other people would want to ask about how they did so.
Some have been more outgoing than others. Some have been more forthcoming than others. Some have had more patience than others. But all have shared great information. So, here’s a bit of what I have learned about getting the most from these top thinkers when you have contact with them.
Find immediate common ground. I always spend a few minutes before the conversation thinking about a way to open with a topic on which they will be able to comment. Their Linked In profile is a great place to start. If you find the right button, even those who “don’t have time to talk” will go on forever.
Do your homework. If you’re connecting with someone for help on a topic or issue, research the context ahead of time. If that person has to spend their time explaining the basics, the terminology and other information you should already know, you will not have the time to drill down for the most valuable insights. Besides, you will appear unprepared.
Match their cadence. Like many, I talk at 200 words per minute with gusts up to 350. This will shut down the person whose speed of communication is considerably slower. I have learned some amazing things from people who speak in a more deliberate way. But that means I need to adjust my cadence to theirs and let them set the pace of the conversation.
Sometimes you have to draw them out. Some decision makers I have interviewed have been very guarded in their responses. Perhaps they’ve been misquoted in the past. Maybe they’re hesitant around people they don’t know or trust. Whatever the reason, you have to be ready to gently ask for clarification or expansion on what they said. Two of my favorite phrases are, “Can you tell me a little bit more about . . .” and “Would you give me a quick illustration?” Resist the temptation, however, to summarize what they say. Chances are you’ll add details they didn’t include in their clipped responses. Then they’ll say, “No, that’s not what I said,” and you will have created an awkward disconnect.
Listen. That seems obvious, doesn’t it? But it’s harder to do than say. It is human nature to interrupt someone with your own illustration or example. Sometimes we do this looking for commonality. Sometimes it’s out of a desire to impress. But here’s the thing: They don’t really need to hear your story. They have been kind enough to grant you some time. Disrupting their train of thought may very well cost you additional insights. Other than asking the questions I have prepared, I try to talk as little as possible.
Bottom line? Top thinkers can share some great insights. But we have to take the initiative to ask and then to listen.