We have reached snow season in our part of the country and my 17-year-old daughter is discovering that it’s cool to have a car of her own, but with it comes responsibilities. One of those is getting up 15 minutes earlier on snowy days to scrape the windows before driving to schoool. As with most teenagers, that extra 15 minutes of sleep is considered as valuable as gold.
I, on the other hand, am an earlier riser. So as much as traditional wisdom says that I should get the kids to shovel the walk and driveway, it is a natural reflex to throw on my boots and get to work. While I am out there, of course, I see my daughter’s car covered with snow, snow that she should have to remove. But here’s the conundrum: Do I clean her car as a loving father or make her do it herself as a loving father?
If I clean her car as a loving father, am I conditioning her to believe that someone else will always do this kind of work, especially a male? Intellectually, she understands that I am doing her a favor, but where is the threshhold at which I make it her responsibility?
Making her clean her own car as a loving father presents its own challenges. If she doesn’t get up 15 minutes early, she may drive away without having cleaned the car adequately thereby endangering herself and drivers around her because of poor visibility. If I force her to clean her car adequately, she may be late to school along with her sister who rides with her.
So what’s the solution you may ask? Here’s what I think — Since the beginning of the season, I have cleaned her car five times. I think that I am just not "going to be able to get to it each time" and therefore she will have to adjust. Sure I’ll talk to her about this, but these experiences contribute to the development of work ethic. The longer I delay in teaching this, the more she will struggle later on. When I am feeling especially generous, I will clean it. But she will need to be aware that getting up early being prepared to clean it is her responsibility. Let me know what you think.